After the disastrous night of 2nd November (that’s when the radio one results were announced) I felt that everything had fallen apart and there was no point in continuing to exist. I don’t know if it sounds melodramatic, childish or silly-I hadn’t worked so hard for anything else ever before. From 9 in the morning to past 9 in the night every day of mine was spent at the radio one office working away at the links and developing them further. Mind you I wasn’t getting paid for any of this slogging either but that really didn’t figure because I loved what I was doing and I wanted to do it. It gave me a deep sense of satisfaction but when it all amounted to nothing-it was as though everything had come crashing down around me. I think the worst part of it all was not knowing why we lost out on the coveted title; there seemed no justification for it. That’s when I had decided that I would never set foot at the radio one office ever again-I had had enough after all.
Whoever said never say never sure knew what he was talking about. I really missed office; I didn’t care if I went there and did nothing except sit around. I used to spend my entire day there hence now my days seemed empty and I would be listless. Before long I found myself there (along with my team mate: it doesn’t seem right without her and I lack the courage to go alone) again. Yes it’s never going to be the same and the ghosts of the past still do haunt; I’ve never really gotten over the night of 2nd November.
It started off with visiting office because we missed it. This progressed to going to office for we needed help-as we are media students and that’s a media house. It’s now come down to going there ‘simply because’… :-). Still isn’t easy but time heals all. Although I still remember how hard it was for me to step into the recording studio because the last we were there was on the day we were on air. And even once inside I was restless to leave. Somehow the charm that the microphone held for me was not at work any longer; at that point in time when I was standing inside that studio all I could think of was ‘what if…’.But then it suddenly hit me that this was the exact place where we had created wonderful memories and work that I’m extremely proud of-all our links, our show, us on air the wonderful, wonderful ‘high’ feeling and the beautiful memoriesJ.
Theyre all mine for keepsJ