While I sit at the table,trying to pen this piece at a late hour of the night, I take a moment to word my thoughts.And while I tame my myriad thoughts into coherence I can hear the sound of her breathing.Peaceful and rhythmic,in-out-in -out and just listening to that in the dark quiet of the night I feel a deep sense of comfort and belonging.

I know it sounds alien but you see she is ALL I have in this big bad world…and though i’m 18,unconciously i’m still that toddler who needs to be reassured that her mother is right there beside her.She is ALL i’v had since I was five…
No Ido not have a father, noI don’t remember uttering the words papa or dad~its a pleasure i’v been denied for no apparent fault of mine.My mother has not only been my mother but also my father.The protector,the sole earner,the man of the house,the homemaker,the teacher,the emotional supporter,the cheerleader…ALL these and MANY more roles she has carried out with aplomb.Hence I say “MY MUMMY STRONGEST!”:-)

I have,like many others,accepted and come to terms with the harsh reality but sadly society cannot digest this.Where my mumma ensured I NEVER feel the absence of dad(by giving me the best of everything and shaping every aspect of the individual I am today),society and people who I called my friends ensured that this fact was well rubbed in.Please let me tell you-its hard enough without having you make me feel abnormal because frankly speaking IM NOT! and NO! I do not need your sympathy.If anything,IM MIGHTY PROUD-of my upbringing,myself,my mother.

So when I hear things like,”Oh you’re a single parent child na…”,”you know what its a good thing you dont have a dad…”,”these single parent kids na..they’re always a little…” or worse of all,someone with both their parents around says,”even im a single parent kid,sympathise with me also!”. I do not know what they mean by such statements, they may mean nothing at all but thats pointless as its all been said and done. And it wrenches my heart which bleeds for the father I never had, for all the notes I wrote to a non existant papa, for all the pain mumma endured, for the baby who had no shoulder to sit on, for the emotional upheaval mum went through, for all the torture I put her through…as a foolhardy teenager in my bid to be strong,independent and bold like her.
And now…every movie we watch together,every picture we take together, every conversation of ours and ALL the advice that she passes on to me-I hold close to my heart and cherish.My only regret being why did’nt this realisation hit me earlier?!?

But like my mother always tells me~’whatever happens happens for the good.You may not understand that now but you will some day.So for now untill then just accept it’:)

5 thoughts on “MY MUMMA STRONGEST

  1. sanaa khan

    wonderful piece.. it is extremely touching nd inspiring i cud feel tears welling up in my eyes while i was reading mind you not out of sympathy but utter admiration for da strong and independent woman ur mother is.. and it is even more touching dat u realise dis and aim to be like her nd i must tell u girl ur on ur way.. superb piece u reli touched a chord here i l looove it.. cant wait to hear frm u again keep writin cz da z-files just got more interesting 🙂 😀 sanaa 🙂


  2. Ponnu

    Nice work- I can see that you are growing up fast and coming to appreciate the life you have. Being content with what you have and counting your blessings is true happiness. It's good to be frazzled and overworked too- it makes you more creative!!!


  3. Unknown

    Oh Zeish, that was so lovely! I'm so proud of you and your mom and you are so STRONG too! :)Very touching, and from the bottom of your heart, will show a lot of people the real YOU!Keep up the great writing, I loved every word! 😀 🙂


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